I sent a message to an old acquaintance last week asking after her baby that had been due in February. I also told her about a mutual acquaintance, updating her on the birth of her daughter. I thought I had better say that Alice had died as the last time I bumped into her, we were both happily pregnant. I thought it would be odd if I didn't say something, given that I imagine she would have been wondering about our baby.
So she then called. I asked after her baby and we chatted about our mutual acquaintance. We chatted about some other people we knew. Then I explained, that although it must have been a little shocking, I needed to let her know about Alice in that message. Then she told me that she knew as she ran into my best friend last year and she had told her about Alice. She said knew all about it but said that she was 'too chicken to call as it was just all too difficult.'
I said that it was OK and for her not to feel bad.
But, what I felt like saying was 'you have no idea what 'too difficult' is.'
What I should have said was that even if you cry, if you can't find the words and if you feel like vomiting, the next time you know someone who has a baby that dies, you damn well call them or send a card.
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Warm Whispers - About this blog
On September 11 2008 I delivered our second baby girl at 20 weeks. Alice Buttons died a short time after. This blog is about the death of a baby.
blogs about loss and death
support groups and agencies
- Bonnie Babes Foundation - information and counselling services. The Charity is a national grief counselling organisation and is the only organisation of its type in Australia covering all pregnancy loss issues.
- Essential Baby - see Forums for discussion groups for miscarriage, neonatal death and still birth
- SIDS and Kids - information for bereaved parents
- Teddy Love Club - support and information, including parents stories
7 comments:
Rach,
when Will died, we certainly learnt alot.
A couple of our very good friends, to this day, do not acknowledge William. It hurts.
No matter how hard it is for them, it's harder for the parents who have lost.
We don't talk to that couple anymore.
Rach, that's just awful. I am so sorry you were treated so shabbily. And yes, the LEAST she could have done is send a card! xx
Other people indeed. I'm so sorry, I know it hurts when people don't acknowledge our babies. I too have lost a lot of friends and it's just so damn hard.
I'm sorry you had to hear that. "Too chicken" is just no excuse and we're so damned polite with these people aren't we?!
Lots of people around me don't acknowledge George as a person who lived and died and it just makes those who use his name even more special.
There are a few people I won't be sharing a living child with at all.
xxx
Of all the various possible responses to Ezra's death, it's the people who just flat out disappeared that I understand the least. We have lost so many friends, and I am so very bitter about it.
It is so unfortunate isn't it? It was too difficult, huh? They have NO IDEA!! I am so sorry. ((HUGS))
it's such a shame that people get like this. i have to have had people not even acknowledge charlie as being a baby and it hurts beyond belief.
we did not get one sympathy card when we lost charlie not one.
i am sorry, i know it hurts as well
thinking of you
xxx
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