Wednesday, March 11, 2009

six

Today is 6 months since Alice was born.
Born because of complications beyond any ones control.
Born at 20 weeks. Tiny and perfect.
Tomorrow is 6 months since Alice died.
Died because of complications beyond any ones control.
She has been dead now longer than she was alive, safe inside me.
A nightmare.
Everyday.
Remembering, grieving, thinking about what should have been.
Thinking about how everything has changed.
But how everyone else has stayed the same.
Knowing that I will always think about her every day.
Wondering if other people will.
Trying to never forget every little detail about her.
Trying to forget the baby urns and coffins at the funeral home.
Thinking about the other babies and their mama's.
Wishing with all my heart that this doesn't happen to any of us again.
Gratefull that I can share her here with people that understand.
Sad everyday that I will never be able to hold her again.

10 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

Six months. So hard. Keeping you in my thoughts today Rach. And little Alice Buttons. She wont be forgotten around these parts.

Monique said...

Anniversaries are so hard. Alice Buttons will never be forgotten and always loved. Thinking of you both.

angie y. said...

My heart breaks for you, Rach. Well, really, for all of us. Six months. I'll be thinking about you and Alice tonight. Much love. Ang

Seraphim said...

Oh hon. Thinking of you and your precious girl xxxx

Lea said...

Rachel, this is so hard. We just passed 4 months. It seems like a lifetime, yet, a minute ago I held our precious baby in my arms.
Stay strong... we are with you.

Lea xo

Barbara said...

I think about your little Alice Buttons quite a lot. I love her sweet name.

Oh Rach, I'm so so so sorry she's not here.

Hugs and more hugs.

xxx

bir said...

Thinking of you Rach xx

http://allthelittleponies.blogspot.com

ezra'smommy said...

Doesnt feel as if time should have stopped because our babies' lives did? Holding you and sweet Alice close in my heart today. xoxo

tiggy said...

Hugs Rach because there are no words.

Poppy and Mei said...

XXxx.