Friday, February 27, 2009


Yesterday I went to visit a tiny, baby girl. I waited until she was home as I am not ready to visit people in the same maternity hospital in which Alice was born and died.

She is perfect and small and perfect.

She slept in my arms for hours.

I cried a little.

I was happy for her family but I felt empty and sad on the inside.

I watched her asleep. I took photos.

And for a tiny, fleeting, fraction of a second I thought about taking her with me when I left.


tiggy said...

Hugs Rach,

The first time is the hardest.
I went to see one of my best friend's baby in the hospital almost three months to the day after WIll died. It was sad and surreal and lovely and sweet and warm and so devastating.

Hugs because there really isn't anything else.

ezra'smommy said...

You are so brave Rach. I hope I have your strength when I go meet my niece in a couple weeks. I've made the same decision - I'm not going to visit until she's home from the hospital and relatively settled. But I expect that there is no escape from the contrasting emotions which will likely bubble up.

Barbara said...

I think I would have passed through that fleeting second too.

Brave Rach, I'm not sure I could have held that baby for so long.