Friday, June 26, 2009


My husband's Nana died on Tuesday. She was Minnie's (little) Big Nana, my Shirley and Mummy to her daughters. She had been a wife. She was a friend to everyone. She was a nurse and a teacher. She was a delight. She was wonderful company. She was funny and smart and nothing got past her. She loved candied ginger. She was not a big fan of chocolate. She was sweet and genuine and entertaining. She hated cooking, She didn't drive. She had travelled the world. She was well read. She knitted a little. She loved tea. She loved crime fiction and hated romance novels. She loved the Impressionists and a good film.

She will be missed by everyone for ever.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

9 months

Yesterday Minnie was telling me about a story that they were discussing at pre-school. It was about a little fairy named Alice. Alice wanted to be a permanent fairy, not a part time fairy. She didn't know how to fly but becoming a permanent fairy meant she would learn.

Little Alice would learn how to fly.

I think, perhaps in the world of a 3 year old's and magic and fairies, that is what happened 9 months ago...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


From a beautiful friend on the other side of the world. Thank you. Just perfect.

Monday, June 1, 2009


Molly. Molly is our puppy, a giant lumbering 20 week old Golden Retriever puppy. Inspired by meeting Buddy, I thought I would introduce her to you all.

Although I had wanted another dog for many years (my darling Tippy died when I was 18), the journey to find Molly really began the day Alice died. I came home from hospital with an overwhelming need to have another baby. Right then. That minute. I spent hours on the computer that night reading stories of other baby lost mama's and crying. Crying and trying to breath.

Late in the night, my wandering mind led me to thinking about a dog. Some how I ended up at a Golden Retriever breeders website looking at her beautiful dogs. We had decided years ago that we would one day get a Golden Retriever - the lovable family dog. I wrote to the breeder and asked about puppies. The breeder replied the next day stating that her dog Katie ('Button's and Bows') was planning to have puppies in the following January. I almost fell over when I read that the dog was called 'Buttons'. Like it was meant to be. In my hysterical state, I told the breeder the story of our Alice Buttons. In turn she told me about her baby that died at 17 weeks. 15 years ago. And she told me she knew how I was feeling. And she really did. Not like the people telling you they know how you feel when you know they have no idea.

So we kept in contact. She often wrote to ask how I was doing. And she wrote to tell me that her son's friend lost her baby. Her precious baby died at 21 weeks. They were devastated. And we knew how she felt...

Molly was born after a difficult birth. I fell in love when we got the first photo. She can to live with us in March. A handful. But a delight.

Of course she is not a baby. Nothing can ever replace Alice. Not a hundred puppies or a hundred babies.

But she makes us smile as she steals the 10th shoe or another pair of knickers. As she runs off with the loaf of bread or as she offers up her warm tummy for a rub.