Friday, July 24, 2009

happy/sad

I know I have written about this often before, here and in emails or letters.

Happy/sad.

That strange contradiction that my life has become. I don't think some people get it, the new found ability to be really happy and really sad at the same time. I am sure I did it before Alice died but, my life didn't call for it often.


Some people get this happy/sad thing and others tip toe around. Like when new babies are born or when women are pregnant. Yes I am so happy for them and yes, at the same time I am sad for me. All at the same time. I can be happy. Babies and pregnancies are things to be happy about. But for me and for all of you reading this, babies and pregnancies are also things to be sad about, sad beyond imagination. For my dear, sweet friends that are now pregnant, I know you understand this. See we are always happy and sad. Happy doesn't take away all the sad and sad never takes away all the happy. Even on the darkest days, there are still many things that I have to be happy about.


And when I thought that this journey was hard enough, little hurdles keep cropping up. Some hurdles I don't really want to go into here because I know that people will fuss and bother. Although I do happy/sad well, I don't cope with fuss and bother. I really don't.

9 comments:

Monique said...

The contradictions are hard to handle in this new life. I understand what you're saying and send you much love.

Hope's Mama said...

I'm with you Rach. Happy and sad all the way. And thinking of you lots, but trying my best not to fuss and bother.

Barbara said...

Well, I won't fuss but if you don't mind I will bother a bit!

I get it Rach.

xxx

ezra'smommy said...

Happy/sad indeed. That's all that seems to be left.

Helen @ The Beading Lady said...

Sorry, I was just passing and read your post ~ it just felt so true.
I totally, totally understand what you mean. I know exactly where you are coming from. Thank you for expressing what I've been thinking lately.
xxx

Paige said...

Exactly. Even when I'm at my happiest, there will always be some sad. That is one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with, still working on it. xo

Leila's mommy said...

i can't cope with fuss and bother either. not even a little bit. i just fall apart. happy/sad with you...
XO

Poppy and Mei said...

XXxx.

Poppy and Mei said...

Love the new header...XXxx