I am not really sure what to say. I am not really sure what I want to write. 3 months. Sometimes it seems like yesterday that I was in Room 5, waiting to deliver a baby that would die.
We knew that Alice would die - her problems were insurmountable. I don't believe in God or the power of prayer. There was no-one, present or not that could help our baby. The labour and delivery was fast and very painful and I don't want to remember much of it.
But what I will never forget is that beautiful face. That little top lip that I see everyday in her big sister. I catch Minnie's profile and my heart seems to pause a little when I see that lip.
I wont ever forget holding her all night, watching her taking those last tiny breaths.
In time I hope that I wont feel so lost and empty and helpless.
I have kept Alice's ashes as when I die, I want her back with me. Where she has been. And where she always will be.