Today Louis is one month old. One page of the wall calendar has turned over since his arrival. One month of joy and sleeplessness and of lots of crying. Crying by both of us. I cry in amazement at his perfection. I cry happy tears and of course I cry sad tears. Would Alice have tried to suck her thumb like Louis? Would she have settled so easily in my arms? Would she...? I know it does no good asking these questions in my mind. Just hard not too.
Today the pediatrician checked Louis' heart again. He listened much longer than perhaps he needed too. He knows about Alice and her poor little heart that was never going work the way it should. So he listened as my sweet Louis screamed and cried and made certain that the world could hear him.
And his heart is fine. Beating like it should. Able to beat for a very long, long life.
Relief. Tears of joy. And tears for his big sister Alice.
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Warm Whispers - About this blog
On September 11 2008 I delivered our second baby girl at 20 weeks. Alice Buttons died a short time after. This blog is about the death of a baby.
blogs about loss and death
support groups and agencies
- Bonnie Babes Foundation - information and counselling services. The Charity is a national grief counselling organisation and is the only organisation of its type in Australia covering all pregnancy loss issues.
- Essential Baby - see Forums for discussion groups for miscarriage, neonatal death and still birth
- SIDS and Kids - information for bereaved parents
- Teddy Love Club - support and information, including parents stories
7 comments:
Tears from me too. So hard not to wonder....
xo
Oh wonderful.
xxx
So many what ifs. Happy One Month little boy!
Many tears. Happy one month, Louis!
I only just found your blog. In 2007 we lost our little boy Gilbert (3rd of 4 sons) at 18 weeks. I still feel the need to share this with people, sometimes. Thank you for sharing your story. It is strange to have a new baby who would never have been, if not for the death of another. Bittersweet. Thank you for allowing me to shed some more tears, for your Alice and our Gilbert.
I forgot to add. Our Gilbert was known in-utero as 'Buttnin' which was how our then 4y.o. said 'button'. I found the coincidence touching.
Hi Rach,
I've been thinking of you over the last couple of days, Alice Buttons' special time. I would have liked to have sent you something, however I don't have your addy in Melbourne (and I know that you are OS at the moment).
I haven't wanted to push you into meeting me, but let me know if you are ever up for a real life hello.
Happy 3rd Birthday Alice xxx
Jen in Melbourne
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