I think there is a misunderstanding that because I have a daughter, loosing Alice is not as bad some how. People don't expect that I 'need' to talk about Alice because I am 'lucky' that I have Minnie. Yes, I am lucky. Not that I believe in luck. I am fortunate and I know this. Everyday I am reminded of what I have and what I have lost. I see Alice in Minnie... I know I could be one of the many women I know that struggle to get pregnant and struggle even harder to hold on to their babies. But, I am also sad and missing the girl I don't have with me.
I do imagine that loosing your first baby adds another layer of complexity to this awful time. When everything you imagined would happen doesn't happen.
Does having a child make it 'easier' when your baby dies? What a question. I don't know and I will never know as I have Minnie. I don't think it needs exploring or examining. I don't think I need too. What I know that it is sad for everyone. I know that my sweet friend with 7 children will tell that loosing her baby was devastating in every way, shape and form. And still is.
I am not for one minute saying that I am worse off ,or better off for that matter. I am just saying that its crap and I am sad and that I grieve Alice while I am being a mother to Minnie.
Loosing a baby is beyond awful. For anyone. Regardless.
I don't need to tell you all that.