I found it, and at times, still find it very hard to tell people that I am pregnant. I didn't really know how to announce it and I apologise if I upset anyone by just blurting it out, in the very (photo) graphic way that I did.
I shared the news with a couple of people when I found out I was pregnant and that was it. I only told two of my best friends a couple of weeks ago. As I live a long way from them, it was easy to get away with it. I would have preferred to not tell my family until the baby was born but that was not possible. I didn't want to have to tell people that something had gone wrong. Because of Alice dying I didn't want to talk about it.
I didn't want to think about what may happen again.
We have had many extra scans and tests. Each of these has been a huge milestone. Panic and anxiety leading up to it, a brief moment of calm, and then more panic and anxiety as I wait for the next test. We have one more big one to go. One more and then we just have to wait. Waiting and waiting. So many minutes in the day in all that waiting. If only I could close my eyes and wake up at the end of April.
But if I did that, I wouldn't get to feel those lovely kicks and rolls and enjoy all those 'secret' moments, just the baby and I.
For many of you, one in particular, I know this is hard. I wish it was you, sharing your news with us. I think of you and send all my love and baby making vibes your way.