I am so tired to telling people I am fine.
For the most part I am fine. But some days you don't have to scratch too far to see that I am not.
I am tired of people saying things like 'I know how terrible this is for you' when they really have no idea how terrible this is. Unless they have a dead baby. Then they would know.
I have had family members die. My dear, sweet, beautiful friend died when we were 25. I know how it feels to loose someone.
But it doesn't prepare you for loosing a baby. A tiny 20 week old baby. A baby that lived for a little while and died while you held her. A baby that never got to be the little sister, never got to sleep on your chest, tired out from feeding, and never got feel the sun her face.
I am sad and angry and frustrated today. I don't want to hear about peoples plans to conceive or for them to ask when we are going to 'try again.' Like we failed the last time. Like we need to have another go at it to see if we can get it right this time.
I want to be the one making babies clothes and nappies and blankets. I don't want to be sitting here on the side reading about other people doing it.
Being sad and angry and frustrated is not what I had planned.
So far from it.